Here and Hereafter
Conventional wisdom holds several commonplace notions about the transition involved in death and dying. Quite common is the idea that during this process one's life flashes before one’s eyes; equally so, that after death there is a judgment.
Typically these notions are subject to widespread speculation and very little evidence; and while making no claim to be definitive i simply offer this encapsulated version of my experience.
First a little background; i was in my early 30s, and had been working on what amounted to a koan for 12 years; but nothing in my outer life prepared me for what was about to transpire. For example i had heard of a phenomenon called out-of-body-experience, but i had no real sense if such a thing was actually possible. This notion was shattered when one night i left my body. Yikes, this was not Kansas anymore! And while time was surely passing during the experience, my inner sense was that i was now in fact outside of time. I had entered the space where we go after we die and before we are born.
Early on, the transition from here to the hereafter was marked by a series of memories and concomitant revelations that flashed before my mind’s eye; all of which had a central theme. What was being revealed to me during this transition was why i did the things of my life; more specifically on the why and how i had been less than sincere in various moments of decision; of my own attempts at hiding actions, evasions, distortions, of my part in the miasma called samsara; all tricks of the contracted self.
Perhaps an example will illustrate; but it is just a description that takes many words and time to draw a picture of an understanding that happened instantaneously. It went like this: In those days i had a habit of twirling the ends of my moustache between thumb and fore-finger. As part of this process of transition i repeated that habit; and concurrently my motivations in doing so were made so transparent that there was no room for doubt about cause and effect; bringing light into a part of my psyche that hitherto had lived only in shadow. The fact made plain, that was being de-repressed, had to do with my masculinity as symbolized by the moustache; a quality i thought to be lacking in attractiveness; and tried to compensate for that supposed lack by drawing attention to it; much in the same way that a bikini bathing suit draws attention to that which it is designed to hide.
My other similar distortions were equally exposed, eventually leaving me with nary a fig leaf behind which to hide; all of which it seems, was prerequisite for what happened next. I had been primed for judgment; but here was a surprise: my typical waking consciousness had been supplanted, augmented, or transcended in the sense that i was my own judge, but now occupied a view that held in context the theme and experiences of more than one lifetime.
There was more to this experience but i was warned, “Beyond this point, you will not remember.”
What i do recall was re-entry into the body, and a return to a more typical state of consciousness, albeit one that was changed forever. My immediate concern was for my body, would it be able to operate as before? I answered this by a simple test, a visit to the bathroom, figuring that if my personal plumbing was still operable, that i could still more or less function in this world.
The shock of this experience was deep and profound. It was so stunning that i was unable to mention a single word of what had happened for several years, during which time i learned to speak anew, as any words tinged by my old habits of distortions or evasions quite literally stuck in my throat. And now, while words are never quite adequate to convey the real, at least i have learned something of the foolish consequences of adding to the problem by willful distortion.
Typically these notions are subject to widespread speculation and very little evidence; and while making no claim to be definitive i simply offer this encapsulated version of my experience.
First a little background; i was in my early 30s, and had been working on what amounted to a koan for 12 years; but nothing in my outer life prepared me for what was about to transpire. For example i had heard of a phenomenon called out-of-body-experience, but i had no real sense if such a thing was actually possible. This notion was shattered when one night i left my body. Yikes, this was not Kansas anymore! And while time was surely passing during the experience, my inner sense was that i was now in fact outside of time. I had entered the space where we go after we die and before we are born.
Early on, the transition from here to the hereafter was marked by a series of memories and concomitant revelations that flashed before my mind’s eye; all of which had a central theme. What was being revealed to me during this transition was why i did the things of my life; more specifically on the why and how i had been less than sincere in various moments of decision; of my own attempts at hiding actions, evasions, distortions, of my part in the miasma called samsara; all tricks of the contracted self.
Perhaps an example will illustrate; but it is just a description that takes many words and time to draw a picture of an understanding that happened instantaneously. It went like this: In those days i had a habit of twirling the ends of my moustache between thumb and fore-finger. As part of this process of transition i repeated that habit; and concurrently my motivations in doing so were made so transparent that there was no room for doubt about cause and effect; bringing light into a part of my psyche that hitherto had lived only in shadow. The fact made plain, that was being de-repressed, had to do with my masculinity as symbolized by the moustache; a quality i thought to be lacking in attractiveness; and tried to compensate for that supposed lack by drawing attention to it; much in the same way that a bikini bathing suit draws attention to that which it is designed to hide.
My other similar distortions were equally exposed, eventually leaving me with nary a fig leaf behind which to hide; all of which it seems, was prerequisite for what happened next. I had been primed for judgment; but here was a surprise: my typical waking consciousness had been supplanted, augmented, or transcended in the sense that i was my own judge, but now occupied a view that held in context the theme and experiences of more than one lifetime.
There was more to this experience but i was warned, “Beyond this point, you will not remember.”
What i do recall was re-entry into the body, and a return to a more typical state of consciousness, albeit one that was changed forever. My immediate concern was for my body, would it be able to operate as before? I answered this by a simple test, a visit to the bathroom, figuring that if my personal plumbing was still operable, that i could still more or less function in this world.
The shock of this experience was deep and profound. It was so stunning that i was unable to mention a single word of what had happened for several years, during which time i learned to speak anew, as any words tinged by my old habits of distortions or evasions quite literally stuck in my throat. And now, while words are never quite adequate to convey the real, at least i have learned something of the foolish consequences of adding to the problem by willful distortion.
<Then and Now
A foot in each of
Two worlds, confusing neither;
Not choosing either.
A foot in each of
Two worlds, confusing neither;
Not choosing either.
posted by charles at 4:15 PM
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